09WK20 -FACING CHALLENGES IN MARRIAGE

Week 20
FACING CHALLENGES IN MARRIAGE
KEY VERSE: For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. GENESIS 2:24

SCRIPTURE LESSON: GENESIS 2:24, I CORINTHIANS 7:2-6.
For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

I CORINTHIANS 7:2-6; 28-35
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.
3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

I Corinthians 7:28 But if you do marry you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned; but those who marry would face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
29. What I mean, brothers is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they had none;
30. those who mourn, as if they did not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;
31. those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
32. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord.
33. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world how can he please his wife-
34. and his interest are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband.
35. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

INTRODUCTION
Last week we learnt that divorce has become rampart these days and that Christians are not exempted. Divorce is often the end result of a series of problems that a couple may have failed to deal with successfully in their relationship. Every marriage faces some challenges and successful marriage results only when a couple learns to meet these challenges. This week, we take a look at some common challenges which, if not well handled can lead to divorce. The list however is not exhaustive, and every couple needs to identify their particular challenge (s) and find ways of solving them.




EXPOSITION
The Challenges of Marriage
1. Financial strain. One does not have to rich to have a successful marriage but when there is lack of money to take care of the basic needs of the family, it puts a strain on the relationship. “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (I Ti. 5:8). Some couples have plunged into this problem just after the weeding, because they failed to do proper financial planning on the short and long term basis before the wedding. This can only be overcome by combining proper planning, hard work and leading a lifestyle which suits one’s pocket instead of following what others do. We must also learn from the beginning to be faithful to God in these matters and trust him “to give us the ability to create wealth” (Dt. 8:18).

2. Childlessness. Childlessness in cultures such as ours poses a big challenge because for such cultures, childbearing is the principal reason for marriage. In most cases the woman is falsely accused as being barren, and relatives especially from the man’s family demand that the wife bears for them an offspring. The results of childlessness for the couple are depression, disappointment, anxiety, shock, anger, and such emotional reactions as feeling of sexual inadequacy and failure. Since the reasons for childlessness, among others, may be infertility, miscarriage or loss of child shortly after birth it is necessary for the couple to seek solution through medical guidance and from appropriate marriage counselors. The Bible is full of reports of those who have waited on the Lord for many years before overcoming this challenge. What is important is for the couple to show solidarity with each other, remembering their marriage vows to be faithful to and supportive of each other till death. After seeking for the available medical assistance, it is important to trust God and leave everything to his sovereign will. Note that the godly offspring that God desires that a Christian couple should raise (Mail 2:15) does not involve biological children alone.

3. Sexual Unfulfillment. This is another challenge that strains marital relationship. This happens when one of the partners feels not sufficiently catered for sexually. Among the many reasons that may give rise to this situation are the following:
1 The accusing partner may have a high sexual libido (desire) for which the other cannot satisfy.
2 The accused partner may have too low a sexual libido (desire) that cannot satisfy the accusing partner.
3 Misinformation about sex
4 Harmful cultural values and attitudes
5 The impact of pornography
6 Busy lifestyles, stress and boredom
7 Illness and other physical defects
8 Psychological blocks such as:
Ø Conflict between husband and wife
Ø Personal problems that may be career, extended family issues, etc insecurity
Ø Sexual fears
Ø Differences in sexual preferences g
Ø Guilt
Ø Sexual dysfunction which, in the case of the man, may include premature ejaculation, inability to get orgasm, primary impotence (i.e never been able to have sex). In the case of women, it might be due to orgasmic dysfunction and painful intercourse leading to disinterest in sex.

Sexual unfulfilment in marriage also leads to:
9 Lowered self-esteem
10 Involvement with alternative sexual activities including masturbation, pornography, fantasy novels, or extramarital affairs on the part of the unfulfilled partner. The relations continue to decorate till it may lead to separation or divorce. Couples therefore need seek solutions to the basic causes of unfulfilment with competent professionals.
4. Keeping the Romance Alive: Most couples neglect romance after marriage. It should be noted that relationships are nurtured and nourished by romance leading to wedlock. Failure to keep the romance alive is compared to failing to nourish the child after birth. It will automatically lead to ‘Kwashorkor.

Keeping the romance alive demands that the couple have time for each other. Romance become difficult as the marriage ages especially if the couples in their choice for partners were blinded by infatuation and sexual attraction rather than true and sincere love.

Since sexual unfulfilment is one of the hindrances to keeping the romance alive, the write-up on it (above) is relevant to it. The key to keeping the romance alive is continuing with those practices that attracted one to the other during the premarital relationship. In order to keep the romance alive, couples need to take to those hobbies and pastimes that they enjoy. They need to have time off their busy schedule and explore for themselves things that excite them. By inspiring the most romantic book in the world to be written, which become part of the Bible- The Songs of Solomon – God teaches us that we need to keep the romance alive in our marriages.

5. My Children versus my Spouse: Sharing your time and attention for your spouse and children can be a challenge that may disrupt marital harmony in a relationship especially after the first child is born into the family. This arises when more attention is given to the child (ren) at the expense of the spouse. The strain this brings to a couples relationship becomes intense and more destructive when spouses begin to take sides with the children in dealing with their children as happened in the story of Isaac and Rebecca concerning Jacob and Esau. The couple must note that the union before the altar was between the husband and wife excluding the children. The children would in future be united to their own partners. They must not therefore allow that challenge to disrupt their union.

The challenge is very intense especially when a spouse or the couple already have children from a previous relationship and calls for greater care, as it can easily result in a divorce.

6. Transparency in Times of Prosperity: Interestingly, sometimes difficult times help couples to be more committed to one another. For some couples prosperity exposes them to the temptation of seeking to act independently without the consent of the other. When each partner begins to seek their own interest it puts a strain on the relationship and can result in an unhappy marriage and subsequently in a divorce.

7. My Spouse Versus my Career: Partners who are more committed to their careers than to the spouses are sure to reap dissentment. Couples should consciously fight the temptation of being married more to their career/ work than to their spouses. Sometimes this challenge arises out of career progression.

8. Travel Abroad – Long Absence of One Partner: This is a new development that has arisen because many married partners have had to travel abroad in the hope of seeking improvement in their lives. Some have done so even when there was no possibility of reuniting with their spouses in the foreign land sine they have had no proper immigration papers. Many marriages have suffered from this, since the long absence imposes unnecessary pressures on the couple. They include sexual pressures, coping with the pressure of being a single parent, financial pressures, loneliness, etc. Christian couples should consider seriously how such long separation can affect their relationship before embarking on it. It is not always that travel abroad can bring about improvement in our lives. Elimelech and his family traveled from Bethlehem to Moab, but Naomi returned alone calling herself Marah – Bitter (Ru 1). Let us sincerely seek the council of God in these matters

9. ‘The Little Foxes’: “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom” (Song of Songs 2:15). That is how Solomon describes the issues that disturb the peace of a marriage. Under this theme may be considered the issues that may appear minor to the outsider, but have the potential of disturbing a marriage to the point of divorce. They include how you handle the differences in your temperaments, dealings with in-laws, communication, and many similar issues. The important thing is to realize that these “foxes” will always be around, especially as the newly-wed couple gets to know each other. It is important that we do not allow the “foxes to frustrate us and take away our peace.

10. Demonic Influences: We must not lose sight of the fact that one of the areas where Satanic attack is most intense is in marriages. Paul warns that, “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:10-18). Christians must be aware that their marriages are under constant attack by the Enemy. Therefore, if we loose our guard, and are not vigilant and alert we stand the chance of destroying our marriages under the slightest provocation.

The greatest weapon of every Christian couple therefore is in how they share their spiritual lives together. As they seek the will of God for their lives through the study of his word and pray together, they build a strong fortress against the Enemy.

THE WORD IN OUR LIVES
The Purpose of Marriages
The reasons for the choosing of a partner should be formed by the purpose of marriage, that is, companionship (Ge. 2:18-24). Marriage should not be entered into for any other reasons such as having children, money, enhancing status in society, satisfying sexual drive, pleasing parents and friends, being independent from parents, having an opportunity to travel abroad, etc.

Proverbs 19:14 says that, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.” If we learn to accept our spouses as given us by the Lord and that God does not make mistakes, then we would be prepared to move on whatever the challenges are. Proverbs 18:22 also says; “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.” Are you married? Then stay blessed!!!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. Discuss the challenges of marriage outlined in today’s study, pointing out in each case the Christian response.
2. What is God’s purpose for marriage?
3. How difficult or easy is it to marry according to God’s purpose and why?
4. Do Christians embrace marriage God’s way? Why or why not?
5. “Marriage is Heaven for some but hell for others” Discuss

BIBLE LESSON APPLICATION
1. Are you married? What is the greatest challenge that can possibly threaten your marriage
2. If you are not married, how are you preparing yourself for these challenges when you marry?
3. Is it possible to overcome the challenges in marriage without submitting yourself to God’s principles for it?
Think through the questions above, and take decisions in prayer that will enhance your marriage.

DAILY BIBLE READINGS
Monday Matthew 19:1-12 Not everyone can accept this teaching
Tuesday Genesis 16:1-4 Hagar finds her own solution to
Barrenness
Wednesday Genesis 16:4-11 Abraham shows weak matrimonial
Leadership
Thursday Titus 2:4-5 Responsibilities in Marriage
Friday Ephesians 5:21-23 Submission and love are the same
Saturday Malachi 2:13-16 Made one to raise a godly offspring